Saturday, July 2, 2011

[ Listening to: songs by Luck Her ] [2]
I'm very sorry to everyone who has been following my blog, or even realized that I stopped posting, but things have been going on worse than usual and for some reason, I haven't been able to keep myself together or on track/multitask-ive? as before..

I might as well rant for a minute then..

Lately, I've been more depressed as usual, as most people are, at least under my assumption and what I've seen with most people. I guess, one of the issues deals with finances, which a few are my fault, driving tickets, which actually is part of the reason I started a blog to make a bit of cash here and there to help out with those and other fines, and then there is the issue with a court cost for something I don't recall even doing, but so far, it seems like the court is going to go in favor of the "non-Hispanic" individual... I'm not calling "bs" or anything about how the United States works, even though I do believe there is something clearly wrong with it, but I guess there's going to be a major set back.. Those being the financial issues, aside from me moving sometime here soon to a new house because of a potential foreclosure.. sigh, what a surprise.. anyways..

There are other issues that have been going on with me, not saying I purely have it bad compared to others, but at the moment, I've been having medical issues, that clearly have gotten worse throughout the years, that doctors clearly have not figured out what is wrong, hell, personally I think I could just use an inhaler and possibly a very small painkiller with help figuring out why my liver/kidney may feel pickled.. or why my lungs (especially my left lung) can't expand that well.. or where the random pains in my chest come from besides "unknown reasons" as the doctors have put it.. Those being physical issues, then comes the mental issues that I've personally tried to fix myself, I tried medication, but that never really helped, even though lately, I've been thinking of seeing if I could put some money towards that and see if I can get an actually good psych/therapist that knows what they are doing and knows personal experiences rather than textbook answers/remedies..
Let me begin talking about a few problems that I feel like I helped myself or have figured out how to temporarily "fix.."
Severe Suicidal thoughts, mostly cleared and most physical attempts are gone, lately they have come back out of nowhere though...
Depression of where I can't enjoy anything nor want to do anything (the enjoying issue, I can't fix or haven't been able to do much about regardless of what I do, but 'want' to do something is to simply force yourself to do something and hope for the best, which slightly works..)
I used to see dead people... ;___; Sadly, I can't lie about that.. nor want to joke about it.. they would just be laying there or fall out of the sky onto the floor out of nowhere or they would be there already.. I know a conversation with a friend where he thought I was joking... anyways...
Eating issues.. more like, I never wanted to eat nor do I want to now, but I force myself to eat as much as I can.. : / not really a good thing, but if I don't, I would simply not eat at all..
My memory is starting to go A-wall on me and I simply can't remember as well nowadays..
I feel like my reading/spelling issues are coming back.. : / it feels like dislexia, but it's not at least I'm sure it's not.. just temporary issues, where I would spells words backwards like... "sdrawkcabs" without even realizing it.. or I would swap certain letters like.. "raed" when I mean "read" or I would simply be forgetting words like "the, a, and or other words" : / but, idk..

Well, enough of the pity party, : / I just have to get myself through this and think of something....
.__.; sorry for people who actually care about my blog and wanted to keep reading, I'm trying...

I'll try to post some time soon something music related or favorite bands or something sometime soon.. : /

v.v thanks people.. sorry once again for not keeping people updated..

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